Writing

Original :

The world, New Zealand, Auckland, GI, Pt England. A very odd place but with the best things. Pt England is not like other places. With a mixed of different religions we are the best. And that is why Pt England Is a One of a kind. It is a very quiet and unharmful place to be in !. And thats why im here. One thing I really like about this suburb is Pt England School.

Pt England school is a school in GI and is a Manaiakalani school. We are a digital school. With up to 700 students at Pt England, It is a place you would really one to come and visit. Why I like coming to this school is because we are different from everybody else and you can make a lot of new friends and stay active.

What makes this school different to others. This school is different from others because we are digital learners. We learn and do everything all from our Chromebooks and I pads. We were in fact one of the first schools to come up with digital learning.

Teachers are amazing my teachers are Mr Wiseman, Mrs Ilaoa, Mrs

Judd, Miss Tapuke, and The beautiful Mrs Tele'a. I am really lucky to have these teachers this and so are the seniors. We also have a lot of sponsors as well like variety, duffy, and much more. Sports are the best thing we are just so good !

So there you have it world. My special place. So come and check it out. You never know you might live here one day.

THE END

Edited version Not much difference:

It all started when the world became alive The world, New Zealand, Auckland, GI, Pt England. A very odd place but with the best things it can produce. Pt England is not like other places. With a mixed of different religions we are the best. And that is why Pt England Is a One of a kind. It is a very quiet and unharmful place to be in !. And thats why im here. One thing I really like about this suburb is Pt England School.

Did you hear the the best school Pt England school is a school in GI and is a Manaiakalani school. We are a digital school. With up to 700 students at Pt England, It is a place you would really one to come and visit. Why I like coming to this school is because we are different from everybody else and you can make a lot of new friends and stay active.

What makes this school different to others. This school is different from others because we are digital learners. We learn and do everything all from our chromebooks and I pads. We were in fact one of the first schools to come up with digital learning thanks to our parents.

Teachers are amazing my teachers are Mr Wiseman, Mrs Ilaa, Mrs

Judd, Miss Tapuke, and The beautiful Mrs Tele'a. I am really lucky to have these teachers this and so are the seniors. We also have a lot of sponsors as well like variety, duffy, and much more. Sports are the best thing we are just so good !

So there you have it world. My special place. So come and check it out. You never know you might live here one day.

THE END

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DOL : Hey bloggers today I have done a similarity between my original and my edited version. We looked at how we can make our writing better the second time. Leave a comment for and suggestions.